So today as the boys were all playing in the living room I could smell something horrible! So I asked "who needs a diaper changed?" and Wiley replies "Probably Brayden or Carter or Kalem or Tyce." Yeah I'm thinking its time to potty train a few!

My girls are leaving tomorrow. I don't know what to feel. Today I took them to Amazing Jakes for their last day with us. Don't ask me why I thought spending $100 for them to run around playing games while I sat at a table eating would be good quality bonding time. Oh and Hi Amber since I know you are the only one who reads this.

I just want someone to talk to

I think that every mother must think her own children are the cutest in the world. I Find my self wanting to talk all the time about the silly little things they do all the time but I find no one really wants to hear about it. That's why I try to write about things in here so I don't have to tell everyone about it. But I have a hard time finding any time at all to sit down and write. Right now its 10:30 at night and I should be in bed. But on a more important note I don't want to talk about my kids anymore. I want to talk about being a foster parent. Sometimes I don't know what I am doing. I hate it. I don't like knowing if the kids are staying or going. I don't like my little ones getting hurt and learning about things they shouldn't know about. And I don't like the caseworkers and GALs and Therapists, and Bio family visits and transporters and licencing workers and attorneys and Court dates and CFTs and Placement meetings and all the other people and things you get with a foster child. Then I think about the fact that there are over 10,000 children in the foster system and most of them are in group homes. But I don't care anymore. I want to adopt and be done. I just can't help but feel like there are more children out there for me that are already born that are meant to be in my family. And I want them. I'm just not a patient person.

Birthday

It's my birthday today. Thank heavens for facebook friends because I actually felt very loved today getting all the birthday wishes on my wall. My next door neighbor brought over fresh bread and cake:) and the relief society presidency brought me over a card and bath salt that said you deserve a break. And I saw a movie with my dad and Curtis and then went out to eat with Curtis went to a nice park with all of the kids and ended up at my friend Meijas house talking about all her life storms. It was a pretty good day no complaints.

Caterpillars

Now I know you can't see them in the pictures but today the boys came in super excited because they found "Caterpillars" and Wiley kept saying "they are so cute mom!" Yeah they were maggots. Now I assure you we don't have maggots in our house, at least that is what I keep telling myself.

2:21 am

Its 2:21 am and why am I up do you ask? I don't know, that's a very good question because I am very tired. I wish that i had a portable computer because all day long I write in my head about what I want or need to say at that moment but by the time I get here its gone. I have no more need to express it and yet at the same time I wish I would have because its memories I would like to capture. Today I had an interview with one of the bishops councilors for a new temple recommend. I think the problem I have is that I want so bad to be perfect and I try so hard that sometimes I am unsure if I am really doing my best to do everything I can. I want to be honest in all my doings but am I really answering all the questions honestly because I over analyze things and I just want to make sure I am. I need to sleep its 2:29 now and it shouldn't take me 8 mins to write nothing.

I don't know why it has taken me forever to write again. Everyday I have something cute to say about the boys and yet I never take time to get on and write about it. Instead I spend time watching stupid movies on netflix and Hullu. So really fast cute things the boys have said. #1. We went to a picnic on Saturday and it was raining and freezing but that is besides the point it was super hero theme and guess what? Super man was there. That's right! Superman! Brayden was so excited. He kept staring at him with big round eyes and saying MOM Superman is here and then he walks up to him and asks "Super man can you fly?" Of course superman was off on the day of the picnic and for the rest of the day Wiley reminded me that superman was flying tomorrow. #2 Wiley was sitting at the table the other night coloring. I was doing something and had my back turned and I could here him saying to him self " eggs come from chickens, milk comes from cows, apple sauce comes from apples and bananas come from monkeys" It was quite funny. #3 okay I can't think of funny things right now because I need to go to bed but I think we are going to adopt Kalem. He has a new adoption worker that says he is not going anywhere. Of course that doesn't mean anything until it is finalized so we will see. Tomorrow we are going to Prescott Valley for a class to learn about Medically fragile so we can get a higher adoption rate. I am hoping I can get it back dated. I have to get up at 5am tomorrow and it is 11:41pm. I am tired and I just don't know why I am not going to sleep. Kalem has been a whinny little boy all day long today and yesterday. He was up all night last night screaming. He got mad last night because I was brushing his teeth. Curtis thinks that's why he was screaming all night because I traumatized him. He could be right. Ineed to sleep Tyce is awake to eat.